6 Things Every Single Girl Should Know About Men

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Dating is a game, but these 6 things every single girl should know about men should help you score more wins.

Whether or not you want to admit it, when it comes to men and women, dating is a game. Sure, you wax poetic about how you don’t play games, how you don’t have time for games, how you’re too mature for games. Sure, honey, tell me more. I don’t like games either, but when you’re dealing with the opposite sex, there’s going to be a game.

So, you can either complain about it in your glass of Cabernet with your girlfriends, or you have a little fun with it starting with 6 things every single girl should know about men.

PS. If you’re dealing with an emotionally stable man who’s ready for a commitment at the same time you are and you live in a metropolitan city, you may have found a gay man. Keep him, he will dress you very well.

(Will: Hi and welcome to another edition of women telling me the truth from the female perspective.  Men, listen up! The Game is real.  You can’t win if you don’t play.)

1. Don’t Compete

Brandy: Men like to compete with other men, not with the women they are dating. It’s fun in the beginning as it creates chemistry, but in the long run, you will become too much work and he’ll move onto something more predictable and easier to manage.

Game Factor: 7 Kings

Will:  Competition is tricky in a relationship.  I prefer to compete on as level of a playing field as possible, and for my girl to not ‘play dead’, but I can see the point.  Too many blows to the male ego and the mind starts to wonder. However, that doesn’t mean just lie down and take the blows. Letting yourself get caught can be sexy in its own right.

2. Men Need Reinforcement

Brandy: Blame their mothers, blame their coaches, but men spend most of their lives and careers competing for a place (see above), and they are used to being rewarded for doing a good job (trophies, raises, high fives on the game field). While him connecting with you emotionally boosts you up, the way to speak to his emotions is to boost him up.  Imagine his ego like your Facebook feed; it needs constant attention.  If he does something good, even if you could’ve done it hung over, with one contact lens missing, and raging cramps, give him an emotional high-five…or a trip to the bedroom. Yes you, Ms. Strong Independent Thang, can indeed do anything he does, or at least hire someone, but he still needs to feel like a man, and you have the power to stroke his emotional ego.

Game Factor: 5 Kings

Will:  No matter what, women will always be in competition with ‘Mom’.  And for the most part, emotional support is part of the relationship deal.  Just don’t become ‘Mom’, and definitely complement in moderation.  Men do need to know that they are your hero.

3. Sex Does Not Equal Intimacy…Or A Relationship

Brandy: I don’t know where along the chain women attached sex to emotions, but it’s ruined a lot of great potential sex out there for many. While sex means an emotional attachment for many woman, he’s likely not feeling the same thing boo boo.  Intimate connection does not translate to his need for you emotionally, it just means he got laid. Good news is, you did too. (High five sista! Shots for all!) It’s ideal to wait until you’re out of the grey zone on this one, but in all reality, you likely won’t be able to wait because you have needs and he has swift hands and you were over served on the fourth  third date. (Let’s be honest ladies…) If you chose to give it, do so with the intention that you are providing something for yourself and hedge the weird, “what happens next,”  by keeping him guessing on what you’re doing outside of the bedroom. If he’s a natural competitor and he wants you to his lonesome, he’ll make sure he’s the only one stamping your passport. If he’s not asking, he doesn’t want to know, which means that he either respects your boundaries, or he’s just in it for the sex… and game tip, you can be too, darling.

Game Factor: 4 Kings

Will: There is a saying, “Men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love”, which is somewhat true.  Women tend to make a huge emotional investment when it comes to sex, and despite our best intentions, men don’t recognize that. It is also true that if he enjoys your company, he will always come back for more.  If that’s not happening, then he’s just not that into you.  Rejection sucks, but most of the time it is his loss.

4. Never Give An Ultimatum

Brandy: You know what you want and you go after what you want in life, I got you girl, but this attitude of take it or leave it at that crucial point where you’re ready to take it doesn’t work with men. In fact, when has it worked for you at all to be honest? Giving ultimatums mean you’ve lost control of the situation and are trying to gain it back, which is the same as grave digging. Unless he’s cheating or doing something threatening to your life, give a man an ultimatum and you’re giving yourself a nice, gentle push out the Fade-Out door. You are replaceable, my dear, and someone else who is just as cute is going to be way more agreeable, and he’ll take that over your ultimatum any day. This is stealth mode game playing but ask yourself, wouldn’t you run if a guy came at you with a take it or leave attitude. Uh, where’s that midnight train to Georgia??

Game Factor: 8 Kings

Will:  Ultimatums don’t work for anyone.  If you present an either / or situation and you don’t have leverage then it’s usually quite simple for the other person. However, that doesn’t mean you should not enforce boundaries.  Respect yourself first.  Also, don’t assume that having a ring on your finger is a good time for ultimatums either.  The bait and switch routine is not a good look.

5. Keep Your Feelings on the DL

Brandy: You really like the dude and you want to tell him, and then you want to cozy up on the couch watching reruns, eating take in and reenacting that scene from Singing in the Rain after he reveals that he’s madly in love with you, too. Problem is, it’s only the second month. But, he’s sending all the right signals that he wants this to move forward, you argue. Shouldn’t I just be honest? WRONG.  (Revisit #3.) If he’s not asking you how you “feel” about the relationship or him, or better yet, if he’s not telling you how he feels about you, don’t tell him how you feel even though you know exactly where you stand. As a man, he’s used to allowing things into his life on his own terms, including you. Now, don’t be an emotional rock, but do be coy, drop hints, touch him, delight in what he does for you. No doubt if he’s consistently pursuing you, he likes you, but he’ll let you completely in when he’s ready. Anything sooner and pushed on him, especially if he’s a long-term bachelor will disrupt his neatly structured life. This is when the playing gets frustrating, but take a deep breath and focus little ninja. If he’s still pursuing, you’re STILL IN THE GAME. (Which looks like, “When are you free?” not “What are you doing tonight?”) Take it at his speed. But if he’s taking too long to saddle up (between month 3 and month 6), lay down where you stand. If he isn’t ready at this point, he never will be.

PS. If you want to be a stellar game player and something else pops up that is just as good and you want it, you jump on it and keep him on the sidelines, but warning, this is a classic player strategy and should be used in the upmost alpha male situations. Used on the wrong man, this could burn you.)

Game Factor: 10 Kings

Will: Ah yes, the ‘relationship’ conversation.  Convincing a man to give up his player card in exchange for a lifetime membership is always a delicate situation. Men tend to be slow on the uptake on when a woman is ready for a relationship.  If she’s ready before he is?  Err on the side of caution.

6. Men Are Intimidated By You

Brandy: You’re a girl and men still remember standing across the room at the Sadie Hawkins dance with sweaty palms, trying to hide an erection while they practiced what they would approach you with. You’re an enigma to them. Flash forward twenty years later and you’ve turned into a successful independent woman. Double the intimidation. And don’t get your briefs in a knot men, but if you have self-awareness, you know that women are the stronger sex, and we get stronger as we get older, especially if we’ve been self-sustainable for a long time. Men know this, and it scares the shit out of them. (Isn’t she supposed to NEED me to, like, fix shit??) He’s not going to admit that he’s intimidated by you, but he will try to maintain control of the situation by switching up his game. Let him take back control and resist the urge to confront him on this even though you might be ready for the next step in the relationship. In Theodore Roosevelt’s words, “Speak softly and carry a big stick” — Your stick? Your ability to maintain composure and catch him on his every move while you wait for him to play catch up.

Game Factor: 10 Kings

Will:  I do agree that men are intimidated sometimes by women.  Especially when it’s the girl of their dreams, and their egos are on the line.  It takes some energy just to push past that fear in order to get the girl.  However, I would argue that strength comes in many forms, and at the end of the day it should be complementary in the relationship itself.  I would also argue that the strength that a woman can bring to a relationship should be embraced and not squandered away.  She can be a great asset to a man who has lost his way.

 

What do you think? Does Brandy have it right? Is the game wrong? Should we all just wear our hearts on our sleeves and kumbaya over fondue? Tell us in the comments below.

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  • This whole post hinges on some ridiculous and insulting generalizations about guys and how they operate in the dating world.

    I’m going to focus first on #5 because that’s the one that really annoyed me. In #5, you seem to be advocating for game-playing and hint-dropping over normal communication and honesty. And you know what? That’s shitty.

    You suggest dropping hints and playing coy as opposed to simply saying what’s on your mind. I can tell you that I’ve had women pull that crap with me and I can’t stand it (Side note: Most of the time, guys know when you’re playing those games and doing that hint-dropping thing). And I have called women out on that crap and I’ve ended what could have been great relationships because the women felt it was better to do what you’re suggesting instead of just telling me what they were thinking and feeling.

    The problem with trying to drop hints and play coy is that everyone interprets those things different. You could be dropping what you think is the “I-want-a-real-relationship” hint, but the guy might interpret that hint differently. You could be playing what you think is coy and the guy could read that as lack of interest (I know I’ve made that mistake before). The behavior you suggest in #5 is more likely to result in misinterpretation than anything else.

    Here’s the thing: If you’re honest with a guy and tell him how you feel and what you want, there are only two possible outcomes. 1) You’ll get the answer you want and the guy will take the relationship plunge. 2) You’ll get the answer you don’t want and you two will part ways. However, both outcomes are better than the limbo state that hint-dropping and playing coy result in.

    I’m also going to take issue with #3. I know plenty of guys for whom sex equals intimacy. I’m one of them. I’ve had plenty of meaningless, non-intimate sex and it’s run the gamut from terrible to decent with one or two anomalies I’d call “pretty good.” But the best I’ve had has been VERY intimate. Again, this hinges on some pretty awful generalizations. There are SOME men who go by Will’s adage of giving love to get sex. Conversely, there are SOME women who, as Will says, give sex to get love. But neither of those ideas is true 100 percent of the time.

    Like I said, the big problem with this whole piece is that it relies on far too many generalizations and stereotypes. It assumes that all men are the same sort of troglodyte. And that, my friends, is a really terrible assumption to make.

    • Bill, I agree that I am highly generalizing here, and I respect that there are various types of men. These are not hard and fast rules, only lessons learned over the years. Indeed, honest communication is preferred over “game playing” when both parties can be open and honest, but in the delicate dance of men and women, it sometimes doesn’t work that way in the beginning. Le sigh.

      • But what I’m saying is that instead of playing the game, you should change it. If you establish from date 1 that honesty and openness are part of the “delicate dance of men and women,” it will be so.

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