Ghosting: The World’s Shittiest Breakup Method
I’m a recent victim of ghosting (and an unbelievable two other times in the last eight months), here’s a PSA for all of you men out there thinking that *this* is the best way to let a girl know you aren’t digging her. Hint:
When a man completely stops talking to someone he met online, texted with, has gone on a date with, slept with, and/or dated for an extended period of time. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the ghoster alone, as opposed to the ghoster simply telling them he is no longer interested. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting her feelings, but it in fact proves the ghoster is thinking more of himself, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he felt.
* Note: This is not to be confused with the Fade Out, which is done gradually over time.
Douchebagging, vanishing into thin air, poof!
Friend: How was your second date with Kyle?
Ashley: I thought it went well, but I’ve texted him a couple of times since then and he’s been ghosting me.
Ways to not be a Ghoster:
Text, call or email. Explain yourself, and give a simple explanation. Even if it’s not true, she’ll at least appreciate that you could say something… although truthfulness is always better.
How to avoid being ghosted:
Stay celibate, give up the male gender altogether, become a nun.
Twisted stomach, inability to eat, insomnia, insane thoughts about all of the reasons why he hasn’t texted (He’s in a ditch somewhere! He lost his phone! His phone broke and he lost my number! etc.)
Ghosting has the ability to make girls crazy and create distrust of every guy she dates after you.
I was talking to a male friend about this guy that I’d been talking for almost 3 months… which is practically a relationship. I’m not really sure what happened to him, as prior to the last two weeks everything was hot. We communicated every day, saw each other pretty regularly and everything was non-stop. And then after our last date I heard from him exactly three times, two of which I initiated contact. He texted me late one Saturday night. I reached out to him the following Wednesday and he responded saying he was sick. I contacted him again on Friday, and then… nothing.
I reached out once after that and figured that since I didn’t get a response it was safe to assume I wouldn’t be hearing from him again. It’s frustrating because things were going seemingly well between us and suddenly it was over, and I never found out why. I wouldn’t be so concerned if he’d just come out and said “hey it’s not working” or something… but to just disappear? Annoying. I fucking hate this cop-out – I really do. I think it’s rude and inconsiderate. Plus, it doesn’t let me know what I did wrong (if anything) or give me the chance to fix it or make it (ME) better.
Yes, I have experienced more ‘Caspers’ in my life than I’d like to admit. I’m sure there are a variety of reasons for disappearing, but I like reasoning. Tell me why – no matter how much it isn’t fun or nice to hear. At least I know! That way, I might consider setting you up with my friends in the future vs. I don’t know what happened so just I’m just going to pretend you don’t exist anymore.
This seems to be an online dating-based phenomenon. 90% of ghosting stories I’ve heard have been quite similar – the guy gets super-serious, super-fast. This lasts for several dates (or several weeks) and then he suddenly goes missing. Perhaps this is because sites like OKCupid inherently causes people to approach dating like they would online shopping – and makes it too easy to fall into ‘grass is greener’ syndrome when dating someone.
For the record, I’ve met exactly three people off of OKCupid. One situation was over before it began and I think we’d both agree that our first date was pretty boring. The other two were full-blown ghosting situations. In both cases, the guy in question got very intense almost immediately. The dates were amazing and there was instant chemistry. And then *poof!* …they disappeared. Interestingly, both of my “ghosts” happened to reappear months later, attempting to explain themselves.
Ghost #1: Admittedly, we got super-serious, super-fast. Case in point: on our first date (which, granted, was after a month of talking), he brought up my meeting his family and friends. We dated for a month and things seemed to be going well, and then he completely fell off the face of the earth. I eventually sent him an email asking him what was going on, and he gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Incidentally, I discovered that it really was “him” six months later when he showed up outside of my house acting full-on mentally unstable, smelling like he hadn’t washed his clothes in weeks, and apologizing profusely, telling me that he has no one to turn to in life because he pushes everyone away. I played therapist for that one night just to make sure he wasn’t suicidal, then never spoke to him again.
Ghost #2 was so intense that after our first date, he wanted to take a cab all the way to my house before he went to work just to kiss me. On top of that, he constantly sent me videos from work telling me he missed me. While it was sweet, it was also a little intense given that we barely knew each other. Things were going well until one night he straight-up never appeared for our date, and never responded to my text. For obvious reasons, I decided to not contact him again after that night, however, he had left a few items at my apartment. I boxed them up, spent $25 to ship them a few miles to his work via UPS, then sent him an email on Facebook that said, “I mailed the stuff you left at my apartment to your work. Take care.” I never once asked for an explanation, just sent him his stuff and left it at that. And no, he never did reply and say thanks.
Of course, he also resurfaced about nine months later, bombarding me with apologies via Facebook, begging me to meet up with him. (Note: There were several other messages after the ones shown in the screenshot, but you get the picture). After I responded letting him know that while I forgave him, I had no interesting in meeting up with him, he decided to delete me. A few weeks later, he then re-added me and apologized for deleting me… and then deleted me again because I still refused to meet up. Because, you know, maturity.
In other words: I’ve learned that if someone ghosts you, they’re probably doing you a really, really big favor.
Have you ever been ghosted? Share your story with us in the comments section!