The Bad Kisser – Will We Stay at First Base Forever?

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So this new guy, right, he’s really nice and we get along famously. He’s intelligent, funny, witty, has a good job with connections to get me a good job, but wow! does he need some help in the kissing department!

Luckily for me, I’ve been blessed with pouty lips and a gifted tongue. I figured this out at the ripe old age of 13 making out in a movie theater, getting felt up by a 7th grader. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s a rockin’ make-out sesh. Hmm, maybe that’s why I like PDA so much…

I digress, back to the story at hand, yes, making out with a steady kisser. It’s not that I don’t like kissing him, but in reality that’s all it is. 6th grade, hold my hand, kiss my lips kind of kisser. When I force my tongue into the situation and get ready for some good ol’ fashioned Frenching, I get stopped by…his lips.

Every. Single. Time.
bad kisser
Sometimes, I even catch myself giggling, but totally play it off like I’m “totally into it,” as if it was a groan of pleasure, when in reality it was a stifled snort of laughter. At one point in our kissing routine, his hand was around my head, normal enough, except for the insistent ticking of his watch. Just reminding me each time it clicked that another second had gone by with only my lips attached to his lips. I sort of wanted to time how long he could do it for. Yes, that’s a good party trick for next time, how long can we stay glued together in one position? I’ll be sure to have his watch near my ear again or be in seeing-distance of a clock next time. Luckily, my nose has some rather large nostrils, so that I can still breathe, because if it didn’t, I just may lose consciousness with how little he wants to come up for a breath. I literally pull away just to breathe a little with my mouth and he’ll suck me back in with more stationary smooches.

I’m quite a passionate kisser and passionate kissing usually leads to passionate petting, but for some reason, my hands are stuck on his arms. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism so that I can get away just in case, but it’s also quite possibly the only things my hands want to do.

How do I make him a better kisser?

I could teach him my sexy ways, but he seems perfectly content with his way. He always comes away with a huge grin on his face and I even got a “you’re a great kisser” once. Luckily for me, I’m a smart ass and I could say with a guffaw, “yea, it was alright…” where he thinks I was making a joke, but in reality that’s really what I think. Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Or will he always be a bad kisser?

It’s only been date 2 and we haven’t gotten drunk together yet, so maybe with a few more glasses of wine, he’ll loosen up some and we can play tonsil hockey the way it was meant to be played, with a tongue and some teeth and a couple of lip smacks here and there.

Kissing has always been turn-on #1 for me, so what happens when he isn’t turning me on?

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