5 Ways To Stop Falling For Jerks
Stop falling for jerks!
Our gut knows better, our friends warn us and our head says no, but somehow, one way or another, we always end up falling for the same old jerks. You would think that experience would make us smarter, but no—when it comes to these infamous jackasses, our judgment jumps ship, leaving us blind. Why are we such a sucker for these unapologetic heartbreakers? Are we sadists? Why are we so amped up on chasing guys who kick our sand castles of confidence to the dust, forcing us to rebuild again and again?
If this agonizing routine sounds familiar, you’re definitely a jerk-addict. But not to worry, there’s a remedy—it’s deep within us and can only be used when we truly believe in ourselves—and that’s confidence. Yes, ladies, this simple little quality that will keep you strong when you’re going through your jerk withdrawal. And here’s how to use it.
1. Respect your boundaries
Broken boundaries leave the door opened for guys to overstep them. When you’re struggling with low self-esteem, it’s easier to accept the lousy or shady behavior. For this reason, you must establish clear boundaries which stand as your limits. They demonstrate what you’re willing to accept and what you won’t.
Yet, you must always keep your boundaries strong and well-built, like a wall, that protects you from unacceptable treatment. When a guy crosses your wall of defense, you need to make it clear that you don’t tolerate this behavior. If you stick around, you’re sending the message that his actions are fine and you’re your boundaries can be crossed. Ask yourself this: If you don’t respect your boundaries, why should he? Show him that you’re a woman to be valued and never justify bad behavior.
2. Turn up your jerk radar
If you have trouble detecting bad eggs, turn up your jerk radar… stat! Many of us often get a gut feeling about a guy who’s not right for us, but we often ignore it. How many times have you been in a scenario where a guy rarely calls, but you put up with it because you’re attracted to him? These situations are toxic because you’re blinding yourself to reality, so you can enjoy him on a few temporary occasions—almost like a sporadic high or burst of excitement. Is it worth it? If not, then start weeding out these weasels!
Another way to power-up your jerk radar is fixing your approach to dating in general. If you’re using Tinder or POF with a “whatever” attitude, then it’s no wonder why you keep getting jerked around. Perhaps consider using these apps more responsibly or try apps like Match or WhoWinkedMe which are known to have a lower jerk ratio.
3. Try to be more objective
There is a huge difference between what you think is healthy and the truth. If you constantly feel like you’re not being treated well enough, getting the commitment you deserve or feeling incredibly desired, then this is not a good relationship. Period—no excuses.
When you lack confidence, you may be tempted to defend this jerk in your mind. Yet, brainwashing yourself into believing that he might be somewhat interested in you doesn’t make a real relationship magically happen. If he’s not trying to sweep you off your feet now, he won’t later on. If you deny this truth, you’re just deluding yourself, creating a fantasy of something that could be instead of seeing things for the way they are. The only thing you should be convinced of is that he’s bad news.
4. Don’t fall for smooth talkers
Very few girls will deny that smooth talkers can be incredibly sexy. Sometimes all a guy needs is a dashing smile, the right wordplay and a touch of charm to knock us down senseless. Unfortunately, these guys are usually the ones you need to watch out for! The smoother, the more dangerous. The ones who seem the most practiced in the art of seduction are the ones who know how to play women the best. They are the snakes in Romeo’s clothing. Watch out or you’ may get bitten!
5. Stay true to yourself
Treat yourself like your own best friend. Think: would your best friend want you with this guy? If not, take your own advice! Women who are kind and true to themselves make better dating decisions. Every day, you need to wake up and surround yourself with this type of positive energy. When you’re able to be more selective about the types of people you bring into your life, you’ll become a happier and more confident person. You must believe that your time is precious and should only be spent among those worthy of you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rachel Esco is a stylish lifestyle writer based in Toronto, known for her spicy articles on nightlife, dating, and fashion. Her articles have been featured in chic publications, including the Women’s Post and “She Knows”. While writing for the LOVE & TECH section of the Women’s Post, Rachel offered her sharp eye for dating strategies and an arsenal of juicy experiences for Toronto’s young professionals. As a drink enthusiast and trendsetter, Rachel has also contributed to popular dating advice blogs such as Love Panky and mandecoder.com, helping today’s singles lead more romantically active lives.