Burned Out? Here’s How To Make Dating Fun Again
The crazy world of dating has its ups and downs. Sometimes it can be super fun and you have a swell time, but sometimes it can be super stressful to the point where you literally can’t think about anything else except “Okay … so, why hasn’t he texted me back yet?”
I have had my fair share of bad dates and good dates – and I’m sure you have, too. And when the good dates are good, they’re really good. Likewise, when the bad dates are bad, they’re really bad. And it’s these horrible experiences that can leave us feeling so dejected that we’re not so sure if we even want to date ever again. Whether a guy you really liked has rejected you in favor of someone else, or whether your date turned out to be a total dud as expected, dating can break you.
The problem is that a lot of us approach dating with an all or nothing, “victory or death” attitude, and for this reason, it’s really easy to get burned out by dating. We invest so much of our time, emotion, and energy into it all that we forget to keep things in perspective. But it’s important to remember that dating is supposed to be fun! When it isn’t, it’s time to take a break to reassess your priorities.
If you’re finding that dating is more and more painful, it’s time for a change! Here’s how to make dating fun again.
How To Make Dating Fun Again:
1. Focus on the present
One of the easiest ways to keep dating fun is to keep things focused on the present. This essentially means that you don’t bring up your ex-lovers, and it also means that you don’t get too caught up in premature plans. Don’t think about the future and what could be, but instead just enjoy the moment. And while we’re talking, forget your ex! It’s fundamental that you don’t think about the past when you go on a new date. You are not your past, and whatever bad experiences you may have had before do not need to define who you are now. Embrace freshness and prepare to be surprised.
2. Go slow, go steady
The problem with the “all or nothing” approach to dating is that when we meet someone we like, we start to obsess over them – often without realizing it. This means we send updates every other day, bombard them with texts and get worried when we don’t hear from them for over an hour. This is a bad dating habit, and it invariably stifles the other person. You become so afraid of losing out to someone else, that you end up becoming too much to handle: you end up smothering the other person. The truth is that if a man genuinely likes you, he will be more likely to stick around for the long-haul if you take things nice and slow. Going slow and steady shows that you respect him, and – you know what I’m going to say – keeps it FUN.
3. Remember that dating isn’t your whole life
From experience, I know that dating can take over your whole life if you let it. A few years back, I started dating two guys at the same time and really liked them both. But when I’d finally settled on one of them, it turned out that he wasn’t even that interested anyway! I’d wasted two months pursuing him, only to be rejected. I was deflated and lovesick. I couldn’t eat, didn’t want to socialize with my friends, and found it hard to focus on work. All I could think about him and the rejection.
Then, I got some really bad news. All of a sudden, I was able to put things into perspective. So what if a guy had rejected me? So what if I had just “wasted” two months of life? I still had time to correct things, improve, and do better next time. The truth is that “The One” is out there somewhere, waiting for you. Eventually, you will find him. In the meantime, it’s important that you don’t treat a rejection as the end of the world. There are certainly worse things that can happen!
4. Go in without any expectations
Remember that no one has an obligation to be what you want them to be, or to do what you want them to do. And once you start expecting things from them, you’re opening yourself up to huge disappointments. And this is when dating is no longer FUN. Asking “Is he the One?” just sends you through the wheel of motions. One moment you feel intoxicated because he gives you a sign that he likes you, and the next you feel down in the dumps because something he said made you think “perhaps he doesn’t like me after all!”
When you go on dates, be realistic but also be relaxed about things. Don’t have a list of huge expectations, but go with the flow, enjoy yourself and see what happens. Most importantly: try to make dating fun again!
Featured Image: Flickr / CosmoK