Here’s Why I’m Not Ready To Have Kids
Oh hey, remember me? I’m the one who said she didn’t want to have kids, at least I didn’t want to have my own kids. I’m 34 now, and while I still don’t have a clock LOOMING over me going ‘tick-tock-tick-tock” I have found myself occasionally wondering; what if? Most recently I found myself thinking about it over the holidays. While I have always felt that I am not ready to have kids, I realize that things are different as you get older, the holiday’s just aren’t what they used to be….
Especially if you don’t have kids.
So I found myself seriously considering the idea of having my own family. I’m sure it would I might give in and shock everyone with the news that I want kids… in two years, and that’s if I find an adoption agency that is willing to let me adopt an 18-year-old.
Kids are amusing
I think I’ve finally gotten to a good place with my nieces, at least the younger ones… the older ones are a different story and while we have an OK relationship, they’re teenagers and teenagers scare the shit out of me nowadays. (Does that make me old?) Over the last two years or so I have had a lot of time to spend with my nieces and nephews, and in that time we’ve had the best of times…. And the worst of times. Kids are funny when they’re teasing or talking back to someone else. They’re even funny when they say the weirdest things. Because yes, they really do say the darndest things! (more to come on that later)And while they can provide many moments of tummy aching laughter, there are those darker moments too. In the beginning, there wasn’t a day that wouldn’t go by where someone wouldn’t tell me how mean I was, or that I would be greeted with “no, you can go home now, I don’t want to see you” as soon as I walked through the door. OH and dinner time, dinner time is the best, and you’d think that they were going to school to be lawyers with the way that they try to talk their way out of eating what’s on their plate!!!! To this day, I still don’t think I have the patience to deal with meal time, and feel that I may just snap if my own kid tried to talk me into eating just the bread, when all I really want is for him or her to eat 2 pieces of broccoli and a small piece of meat.
And while they can provide many moments of tummy aching laughter, there are those darker moments too. In the beginning, there wasn’t a day that wouldn’t go by where someone wouldn’t tell me how mean I was, or that I would be greeted with “no, you can go home now, I don’t want to see you” as soon as I walked through the door. OH and dinner time, dinner time is the best, and you’d think that they were going to school to be lawyers with the way that they try to talk their way out of eating what’s on their plate!!!! To this day, I still don’t think I have the patience to deal with meal time, and feel that I may just snap if my own kid tried to talk me into eating just the bread, when all I really want is for him or her to eat 2 pieces of broccoli and a small piece of meat.
Remember, they are not small adults
I have a really hard time relating to anyone below the age of 17, so in an effort to do so I will generally treat them like I would any other person in my age range. But, sometimes I am reminded that you cannot treat them as such.
You cannot negotiate with terrorists! Okay, maybe not terrorists but still. I think sometimes I kick myself in the butt because I’ve generally tried to bring kids to my level and talk to them as if they were actual mature human beings. This doesn’t always work out because they aren’t actually mature human beings. There have been times where I’ve let myself be talked into doing something, but most of the time it’s not something I see coming until the train’s already hit me. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and realize that you are dealing with children, and you cannot reason with them the way that you may be able to reason with an adult.
The Hand me downs!
This one is actually kind of major for me. As my siblings and I have gotten older, we’ve all gone our own ways and started our own lives. Add significant others into the mix and you get a semi-watered down version of your own childhood if even that. We didn’t have a lot of traditions growing up, but nevertheless, I loved the holidays with the family. I realize now that I may not have always shown it, but hey I was a brooding teenager so I was bound to lash out and pout from time to time. But now that I don’t have anyone to share that with, it’s really gotten to me. Do you think an adoption agency would just let me take some kids home for the holidays so that we can have multi-course late night meals, dancing, singing, and gift giving? Just a few kids to have around in the morning so that I can shower them with gifts, and breakfast, and trips to visit my large and rambunctious family? Yea, I know… probably not, and I’m sure that despite this being the big thing that pulls at my uterus strings, it’s probably not the greatest reason to have kids. But still… it would be nice to not be alone for the holidays.
Free Hospice and care
You have someone to take care of you when you’re senile, because yes, it is very likely that I will become senile at some point in the future. And I most definitely don’t want to be so cliche as to have my face eaten off by a cat. I try not to think about death and how I will be when I’m older, but suddenly I realize that if I don’t have kids then I will be alone and that itself frightens me. I’ve also come to realize that while I would love to meet someone and be in a relationship, I cannot actually see myself sharing my life with someone.
Your nieces will stop saying “you’re next Nina!!!”
This one…. This one is my favorite. There was a recent addition to my sister in law’s family, and this past weekend the baby made an appearance. On Sunday I picked my two youngest nieces and my mom up for dinner, and while we were eating the youngest looks me square in the face and says “Nina, You are next you know. You must give me more cousins.” This is not the first time that she’s said it either, for a while my brother and sister in law thought it was funny to make her say things like that. I guess the idea never left her head because she will tell me this from time to time, very serious and matter of fact. Normally I just laugh it off and tell her she’s crazy and then she laughs and we move on with our lives. But I guess, she has a point. Living so close to my older brother I’m sure it would be nice for them to have other people to play with. But, do I really have to be the one to birth a playmate, surely that is not a good reason to have kids.
So who knows, maybe I really will change my mind, about bringing children into my inner circle. Not about getting knocked up, because at this point I think my mom has given up on my “meeting someone nice” and will accept any scenario I find myself that will involve bringing a child into the world. I told her we could discuss it again when I was 35, but then I remembered that I was turning 34 this year so I asked her to give me at least another 5 years to continue living wildly and without care. Or at the very least to get settled into my career and my life. But really, it’s more until I feel “adult” enough that I may actually be a good parent to some child who is already existing out there… somewhere.
So maybe they were right, maybe it was a (long) phase, and maybe I will change my mind.
But…. at the same time, if you feel deep down that you don’t want to have kids, don’t let anyone tell you any different, because only we can know when we are or are not ready to have kids.