Why You Should Always Consider Being Yourself In The Bedroom

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Sex is a charged topic. It’s one of the most judged areas of life, and one where insecurity is at its highest, miscommunication is a given, and emotions can run the show.

The truth is, for so many people, once you get naked and intimate, what could be a beautiful, fun, nurturing experience becomes mired with expectations, rejections, projections, and confusion – bothe spoken and unspoken.

What if being more yourself would allow you to have more fun? Even a bit better sex, and overall less awkwardness? And what if you being yourself in the bedroom could actually be incredibly sexy for your partner, and relaxing for you?

Here are five ways to have a great time in the bedroom while still being yourself:

1. Lower your barriers

Often, when we take our clothes off, we ironically become even less vulnerable than we were willing to be with our clothes on. When we are feeling like judgments could start flying our way – of our bodies, of the way we ‘perform,’ of what we know and don’t know about sex – we do something that is the opposite of helpful: we put big walls up around us to protect us from those potential judgments. The bummer about that is that we then don’t get to be very present with ourselves or with our partner. Often, vulnerability and fun in bed are directly related!

So how do you lower your barriers? You can literally imagine that any walls you may have around you are melting. Or deliberately push them down. You can also tell your mind to go take a nap – your mind is your greatest barrier!

2. Stay present with your body

When you are present with your body, there are so many signals, sensations, and so much information that you can receive as to what works, what’s fun, and what doesn’t work. Your body is an extremely intelligent sensate organism that is communicative, has preferences, and is often way more tuned in than you give it credit for. What if your body could be your friend in the bedroom and you could know what is working and what isn’t? Your body might even know a thing or two about your partners’ body if you get your mind out-of-the-way! And that can be fun!

3. Get rid of your projections & expectations

When you’re going to bed with someone, chances are you have some projections about them. It may be that they are attractive, wonderful, a great catch. Or that they are not kind, might not be a good fit, or even that they will judge you and not enjoy being with you. The problem with this is that our projections and expectations often end up showing up! Your point of view can create your reality – so if you have the point of view that somebody is going to judge you, they just might!

When you know that you have projections and even expectations about someone, you can go beyond them more readily by asking yourself to destroy and uncreate them. You will be surprised by how quickly and powerfully this tool works to change things!

4. Ask your partner what they like!

So many people approach sex with the point of view that they will only be good lovers if they instinctually know what their partner enjoys. Even if you are intuitive, it can be fun and refreshing to ask your partner what they like in bed. Then you can deliver! What if asking doesn’t mean you are a bad lover? What if it makes you a great lover?!

5. What is fun for you?

Often we can be so focused on what we are doing, or so concerned about avoiding judgments, that we forget to enjoy ourselves. What is fun and pleasurable for you? Take some time to find out! Once you know what you and your body enjoy in bed, be willing to let your partner know, too.

These tools give you a pragmatic approach to having a lot more fun and a lot more ease in the bedroom. The next time you are with someone, even if it is a long time lover, ask him or her what they like. Ask what would be fun for them to receive. Share with them what is fun for you. Lower your barriers, and include your body in the play!

What if you can’t get sex wrong? And what if you could also be willing to flub it up in order to try new things and have more fun? Usually, the willingness to mess up gives us an incredible creative freedom that we never had before.

How much fun can you have by being yourself in the bedroom?



Heather Nichols, MSW, is certified Joy Of Business Facilitator and a Transformational Coach. She combines a Master’s degree in Social Work with 20 years’ experience in the world of entrepreneurship and mind-body therapy to facilitate people toward a fuller, more joyful, experience of business, life and family. As a meditation consultant, tantra practitioner, and somatic psychotherapy, she integrates mind-body therapy, movement, and the pursuit of joyful creation to facilitate powerful change for her clients. She hosts a regular show on A2zen.FM and offers workshops and private consultations online and around the world. An Access Consciousness facilitator, healer, and mom, she brings forth fierce commitment to creating joy, ease, and wealth on the planet – in every aspect. Follow at @heatherknichols.

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