6 Manipulative Things Girls Should Stop Doing When Dating

First and foremost people should not be manipulating other people into anything. I find people like that questionable and not someone I’d date or encourage a friend to date. I am not a fan of games, particularly when dealing with the dating scene. I’d rather be with someone genuine and honest, something that I haven’t really seen a lot of in the past couple of years.

That being said, I read this post on the Thought Catalog suggesting that girls be manipulative in certain aspects. I found it a bit ridiculous to say the least, but I may just be of a different breed. Here are the 6 Manipulative Things Girls Should Stop Doing When Dating in response to Thought Catalog:

1. Wear heels

If you’re around the same height as a guy, wear heels as early as possible in the relationship, preferably on the first few dates. Not the very first date because you want to see how he acts when you aren’t taller than him too, but soon after, strap on your big girl shoes and see if he’s uncomfortable. It’s a terrific way to see how secure of a person he is – if he feels weird walking next to a tall, sexy, unicorn lady, then he’s very likely harboring some gross, macho, insecurities.

While it is interesting to see how a person reacts to you in flats versus in heels, you should wear what makes you most comfortable! As a short person (I’m just under 5’3″) I’m not comfortable being about a foot shorter than the rest of the world and I prefer to look people in the face when talking to them. People are pretty quick to notice my height and it’s generally one of the first things you read on any dating profile. So if you’re meeting someone for the first time, particularly in the case of online dating, then s/he should be aware of your height. Plus, at least for me, I don’t generally date people my height, so you’re going to be at least 5’7″ anyhow. (Yeah I’m kind of a height snob, I guess).

2. Send in a spy

If you suspect the person you’re dating might be cheating, or would if the situation was right, enlist the help of your hottest (and most trustworthy) friend who he doesn’t know, and have her show up to a party he’ll be at but you won’t, or one night when you know he’ll be out at a bar with his friends. Have your friend flirt and ask super interested. See if he goes for it.

If you have real doubts about your Significant Other’s loyalty and have reasonable “evidence” to prove his unfaithful behavior then DUMP HIM. It’s never a good sign when you can’t trust someone. Plus it’s a little weird to ask a friend to do the above mentioned things. Definitely not a conversation that I’d want to have or that I’d even be comfortable having with a friend. I’d venture to guess that there’s something going on with you that you’d think of doing something like this. Semi-related, I’m also against the current “PI” work that has been made popular by the internet. It’s one thing to (maybe) run a criminal background check but entirely different to look homeboy up in every social network imaginable. You’re killing the mystery, and if you know everything then what the heck will you have to talk about on your dates?

3. Fake sick before sex

When you first start dating and you know that a particular night is likely the night you’ll have sex for the first time (you’ll know), tell him at the last minute that you’re not feeling well. He already had plans with you so it’s not like he can say he’s busy. If he offers to hang out anyway and keep you company, even though he knows there is unlikely to be sex happening, he’s awesome. If he tells you to feel better and he’ll call tomorrow, it’s hard to judge. But if he acts annoyed, chances are he’s more interested in sex than he is in you.

If you have to fake something in order to tell if someone likes you then you’re doing something wrong. This is all about games, games that people shouldn’t be playing with one another. What ever happened to being upfront and honest? It’s usually pretty easy to tell when someone is with you just to get laid and when they’re genuinely into you. There are guys you date and guys you sleep with, which one are you actually looking for, more importantly which one are you talking to?!

4. Fake an orgasm too

Fake an orgasm the first time you have sex, unless he happened to magically know how to get you off the first time you sleep together, which rarely happens. Learning each other’s bodies takes time, and while I don’t support faking orgasms in general, faking it the first time can give him the confidence to be extra eager to have a lot more sex with you, during which time you can give him pointers as to how to actually get you there.

Please see the first line in my response to #3. Yes, learning your partner’s body takes time but sometimes you just know what you’re doing. If I found out my partner faked it I’d 1) think I was doing something wrong and 2) take it personally. To the point that I probably wouldn’t talk to him again as I’d spend the next two days going over every detail wondering where exactly I went wrong. Sex should be fun, so keep it fun. Yes, it builds confidence when you do something right, but you could be doing the exact opposite by faking it.

5. Fake a crisis (this is the last thing I’ll tell you to fake, promise.)

Fake a crisis. Nothing too serious – a sprained ankle or a flat tire – and don’t do it too early in the relationship, but preferably before any actual crisis happens. The goal isn’t to get attention, but to see how he responds in these kinds of situations. There’s really no wrong answer – some people simply aren’t the take-charge type – but either way, it’s nice to know how much you can count on them if shit gets real.

This is all I am going to say about that:

6. Forget condoms

The first time you have sex at your place, pretend to not have condoms (but you definitely always should have condoms, of course.) Maybe he has them with him, which is the best possible outcome. But you’ll actually learn more about him if he doesn’t: Any decent guy will either nonchalantly forego intercourse and be like, “Oh well, we’ll be more prepared next time”, or will offer to run out and get some (if he does this, that would be the time to pull the “Oh, look, I found some!” move – don’t actually force the poor guy to make a trip to the bodega.) But if he suggests just doing it anyway, he’s kind of a shitty dude. Like, no matter what kind of birth control you’re on, if you just started sleeping together, it’s not time to ditch the condoms yet. A good guy will not only know that, but will respect you enough to not even entertain the idea of having sex without a condom so soon.

Lies. #4 wasn’t the last time she’d ask her readers to fake something because she’s asking them to fake not having condoms. Don’t do that, that’s just silly, especially if you’re planning on doing it at your place. If someone invited me over to their place for this kind of event then he’d better have condoms ready. Even though I always carry condoms with me (specifically in these situations) doesn’t mean that my (potential) partner should assume that I’ll bring them. Everyone is responsible for themselves, and this isn’t something that you should play around with. I still stand that if someone is a jerk, and in it for the ‘P in the V’ action then you’d be able to tell. In those cases where you think things are going well but s/he turns into a turd-burger and ditches out… well then at least you know that you were smart and prepared.

And there you have it, 6 manipulative things that girls (and guys) should stop doing. Stop playing games with one another because you could be missing out on some seriously great people. We shouldn’t have to manipulate each other into building a relationship with one another, let alone with someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Be true. Be honest. Be you!