Older And Heavier: The Hard Truth About Dating Baggage

I’m not saying I’m old, but I’m certainly past the age of one-night stands, keg stands and dating losers. At the ripe ole’ age of 30, I’m still stuck, however, in the murky mess of finding a proper mate. The older I get, the murkier this mess seems to become, and the older I am, the more corrupted and jaded everyone else is (well, me too, of course).

Everyone carries dating baggage (yes, yes, so do I), and the more our age increases, the more our baggage increases. On some people you can even physically see how much their excess gear weighs them down:  stooped shoulders, puppy dog eyes, and a semi-permanent frown starting at the edges of their mouths. I don’t have a perfect record, but I certainly don’t have a sordid past that makes me weep at the sound of ex-boyfriends’ names or when “our song” comes on the radio.

But it does seem that many guys I meet have an entire continent of ex-girlfriends with sad break up stories, ridiculous “craziest place I ever had sex” stories, stories of live-in situations, future engagements, and families who adored them. All of these back-stories weigh the guys down and jade their view of all future girls. (And, yes, I do realize that we girls are just as jaded and corrupted…).

With each year, we date more (or for some, sleep around more), and with each date (or partner), we gain more dating baggage. This baggage gets in the way of future relationships and tarnishes people more and more each time.

When we were younger, we were more carefree and definitely weighed a whole lot less without those suitcases filled with sob stories. I almost wish that I could go back to those times when ex-girlfriends meant the girl I “dated” for two weeks and broke up with through AIM.

Now it seems that ex-girlfriends are similar versions of myself, but who know much more about the guy I’m dating including his favorite foods, favorite positions, and favorite places to travel. It is fun to find all of that stuff out for yourself, but it seems a bit invasive to have so many other people know these favorites before I get to figure them out. It’s as if these exes have a window into the soul of the person I’m trying to get to know and a tiny sliver of his heart that I will never be able to attain.

How many slivers can a guy give away before he decides that you get the other 87.3%? Who wants a half-heart or a three-quarters heart? It’s true that I have a past love, but so little of my heart is currently dedicated to him that my heart is almost nearly 100% completely ready to give to someone else.

The amount of heart isn’t the problem for me, though, it’s the readiness by which I’m prepared to deliver this 98% heart. I’ve been so badly burned and scorned that I’m almost afraid to offer it up for sale again. My past has corrupted me in a way that I’ve become gun-shy at the possibility of someone actually liking me and me liking them back.

The older we are the more we carry, and no matter what dating baggage you bring along, everyone has it; shifting through the shit becomes more tedious. Now that I’ve been on dates with scores of men, I’ve figured out the type of guy I want in a future mate and the qualifications he must have in order to fit my quota.

But are my expectations too high and my scale too slight for a guy with so much extra stuff hanging about?