Should You Be Friends With Your Ex?

I don’t think we make this distinction enough in our dating careers. Can you be friends after a breakup? Sure you can. But it doesn’t have to happen immediately after the breakup and certainly not for every person. Some deserve it more than others, but it’s just not going to happen that same day, week, or month. – It’s Not Being Friends, It’s Being Friendly

Befriending the Ex. This topic came up on a date once… I don’t remember exactly what led up to this but my answer was not the answer he was looking for, totally striking out on these dates.

Yes, there is definitely a difference between being friends with an ex and being friendly, generally I lean more towards the friendly side of things because I prefer to keep things on a happier note. I’ve been ‘lucky’ enough that things have generally ended on good terms with the majority of the guys I’ve dated so after the appropriate amount of time we did remain friends. That’s not to say that we’re hanging out all of the time but there is an occasional meet up just to catch up or a chat on Facebook. As far as I’ve been able to tell they’re not sticking around to get me back. HA! Not that one or two haven’t tried before, but those guys generally pop in and then immediately disappear again.

My very first official boyfriend, who I dated back in the 8th grade, has a birthdays a few days before mine. Every year I’ll get a brief message from him wishing me a happy birthday.  I’m 31 now, so do the math… every year since the 8th grade! I guess that just tells you how awesome I am, that someone would still think of me at least once a year.

Should you be friends with your ex?

I think that it all just depends on the relationship we had and how emotionally invested I was, of course there are a few guys who I hope I never run into again, but for the most part if I were to see an ex on the street he’d probably get a hug and a smile.

There are also a couple of ex boyfriends who remain close friends.

I understand that some people may not be OK with that, and that relationships are about compromise, but it’s hard to say that I’d cut off all communication with someone over these things.  Honestly, I would never ask a significant other to end a friendship, unless it was seriously harmful or toxic. The way I see it, you have people in your life for a reason, as long as you’re honest about the relationship and respectful it shouldn’t be an issue. But, if you (or they) can’t respect me, then I cannot give respect in return.

And that would suck for everyone.