10 Things I Want In A Partner, That I Want For Myself As Well

They say that you can’t love someone until you are able to love yourself, right? I have been single for a long time now, longer than I ever have been in fact. Mainly on my own accord, and partially because I was tired of meeting people who were not in the same place that I was.

Knowing that I had to work on myself before I could fully give myself to someone else I have realized that the things I want for myself are also things I want in a partner. Because in order to be successful in a relationship there has to be some commonalities keeping you together.

1. Takes care of his body

I am not saying I want someone who spends all of his time at the gym, but more someone who watches what he eats and doesn’t knowingly abuse himself in any way. Admittedly this is something I struggle with myself, while I have given up most of my vices I still find myself unable to resist the occasional burger or lazy Sunday on the couch. But I eat relatively healthy and have managed to follow a portion controlled regimen that has left me in better shape than I have been in a while. And I know that I still need to push myself so that I can become more active and continue to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

2. Have a good relationship with family and friends

I need someone who treats people with respect and who isn’t completely closed off from others. Family is very influential for me and I don’t know what I would do without my family. I have always been able to count on family, and while we haven’t always seen eye to eye we’re always there for one another. I come from a big family, my mom is one of nine so family events are just that.. events. I need someone who understands that family and friends are important, and not just something that I can push off to the side.

3. Integrity and responsibility

I want someone who can take responsibility for their own actions and who don’t place blame onto others. At some point you have to realize that things don’t just happen to you, but that you have a hand in them. I used to be pretty selfish in that regard, and it wasn’t until recently that I admitted to myself that I was the cause of most of my issues. I am not a victim or a bystander, I am an active participant to my life.

4. Secure in themselves

This is one that I am still working on as I was insecure for a very long time and while I realize that this won’t be an easy thing to change it is something that needs to happen. With that, I need someone who has a good idea of who they are and what they want in life. They don’t have to chase after others’ attention or cheap thrills. They shouldn’t have to brag or be arrogant either. And someone who can resist the urge to make others jealous. Because those are all unattractive traits.

5. Open and giving

I’m a pretty honest person, I don’t see the need to hide things and would rather lay things right out on the table. I realize that this can be off-putting but I think it’s better to be upfront about things. I will give myself fully to someone if I feel that they are deserving, and that is something I’d like in return. Someone who is able to give compliments and tell people how they feel. Not self-centered.

6. Over their exs and can be mature enough to be alone.

This has been the hardest for me, well not so much the part about the exs but just being mature enough to be alone. Which is part of why I’ve been single for so long. While it would be nice to have someone in my life, I know that it wouldn’t be fair for someone to have to deal with all of the emotional turmoil that I’ve been building up. I’ve had to go through a lot to realize that I wasn’t always honest with myself about feelings for certain people and I couldn’t start something new knowing that I still carried a torch for someone else.

7. Has had solid relationships in the past

I need someone who has forgiven their past and who can forgive mine.

8. Someone with passion and drive

I have only just begun to figure out what I am passionate about, or even what drives me. But I need someone who is either just discovering this as well or already knows what their passions/drives are. I also need someone who gets excited about my passions as much as I can about theirs.

9. A strong moral compass

Some things are OK and some things aren’t, but can you really tell which is which? I try hard to stick to what I think is right and I need someone who can help me continue doing so. Don’t be overtly racist, prejudice or hateful. I don’t have time for that in my life nor do I want to deal with the negativity that comes with it. I want someone positive in my life, no.. more than want , I need someone positive.

10. Brave enough to be vulnerable

Be willing to just give things a chance, be open and honest with yourself and with me. Because if we can’t be open to the possibility of getting hurt how will we ever connect and grow?

I would like to think that the things I want in a partner aren’t too much. Maybe this is asking too much of someone, but I don’t think it is, is it? I’ve often been told that maybe I shouldn’t be too picky about what I want in a partner, but in all honesty I don’t think I’ve been all that picky. Until now. Because if I am going to be this kind of person, then I would like to think that the guy I am with should be this kind of person as well.

Would you agree to these ten things?
If not, what other qualities do you feel are important to have in a partner or do you try to live?