7 Ways To Find Love In Real Life

I don’t care how many people meet friends through it, marry their first husband from it, find out they are distantly related to someone in Third Eye Blind because of it – online dating freaks me out. But so does the concept of dying unloved and alone.

What’s a girl to do?

For already being on our sixth iPhone, the current landscape for ladies of love-finding age can feel very limited. Yes, there are apps for hooking up with single people, married people, Jewish people, and married Jewish people but where is the app for just organically meeting someone outside of the context of desperation for absolutely anyone decent/cute enough to build a pizza or life with?

It just so happens, there are at least SEVEN apps* for making your real world (and dating world) as big and bold as the wide world of sports. Here’s my list of ways to find love.

 1. Get Serious About a Hobby

Surely you know from Pinterest that there are millions of aspiring cake bosses in the world. Did you also know there are professional chain mail artists? Sword dancers? Makers of wine sleeves and cheese? Find something you like to make and make it. A lot. Doing and making something with your hands will take your mind off finding love, while whatever you are making may just catch that love’s eye. Let word get out that you are indeed The Dreamcatcher Lady or the Hipster Haircut Queen.  Hell, you might even make a couple bucks finding love this way. Take that, eHarmony.

 2. Get a Dog (or a Cat You Can Commit to Walking in Public)

 There is something about picking up another creature’s poop that bonds human souls together in a way dancing at the club just can’t. Pets are a great way to share your love and meet people who love their pets. At least you’ll know their hearts are not entirely frozen, and that they know their way around a responsibility or two. Plus: you get a pet! You can name it! And focus more on walking it than waiting for that jerk you met at the gym to text you back.

3. Join A Gym

I know, I know. You hate me now. You were all excited about making scarves with your new poodle and I had to go and ruin it with this suggestion. Bear with me: you can join a real gym or a gym on your iPad. Just do a little exercise daily so you feel good. Meeting people at the gym freaks me out as much as online dating. You don’t need to train for the Hunger Games or even to look like the cast of the movie. Just do something physical, however minimal, so you can feel good about yourself. Billionaires are making big bucks off our hatred of our bodies. Let’s make it hard for them to buy another yacht.

 4. Take A Class on Something You Like or Fear

Comedy, writing, making artisanal cheesecakes. Whatever your fancy, a class exists for it, and along with that class exist new people for you to meet and mix with. Don’t sign up with the intention that you’ll meet your Dream Date in the class but you might just meet a friend of a friend of that Dream Date who will one day set you two up. Plus, you’ll either be conquering a fear of performing onstage or enjoying learning the ancient art of playing guitar poorly. It is fun to learn things, and you will feel like too much of a badass to get your feelings hurt by Tinder.

 5. Go on Friend Dates with Your Friends

Remember friends? You have them. If you don’t have them, you’ll meet them in that class. Remember? The one you took back when you were learning how to make artisanal cheesecakes? Those friends love you and want you to invite them to game nights or brunch. You don’t want to look back on your flossiest years and realize you didn’t spend enough time giggling at brunch.

 6. Go on Friend Dates with Your Friends’ Friends

Angela’s friend Bangela thinks you’re hilarious. So does her brother, Mangela! Maybe you should go to brunch with them!!!! Go to brunch with them. Your circle is widening. The world is big and fun and you’re right in the thick of it.

 7. Be a Host With the Most

Invite your friends/classmates/neighborhood pets over for your very own artisanal cheesecake party. Or you know, whatever kind of party. Host little get-togethers. Make it a thing. Enjoy the friendships you’ve made and the artisanal cheesecakes, too. You are powerful. You did ten minutes of yoga after you made that last artisanal cheesecake. You eat brunch for breakfast and have forgotten OKC exists. Love is only the next adventure away.

*I tricked you. J

Larissa Zageris once went on a date with someone who told her he “didn’t get the point” of listening to music. Follow her on twitter @larissa_z, where she is the big momma of dad jokes.