The Man of My Dreams

Whenever I dream of a guy I used to date, I always dream of my college boyfriend. There are very few things I could tell you about him, but I can tell you the way he made me feel – delectably happy. Simply put…

we were in love

I’ve never felt that way since him and I think I’ve always been searching for it, hence why I’m rightfully so picky. I’ve dreamt about my college sweetheart ever since we broke up. Usually faceless images of him pop into my sleepy thoughts, like a ghost haunting me, reminding me to not give up on what I deserve. Not once have I had a dream about any other ex so are my dreams telling me something? I’m not spiritual in any way, but maybe my dreams are giving me signs to stay on the right path to love so I can again be happy, genuinely happy in a relationship.

This boy would randomly bring me flowers, he’d leave me love notes, we talked constantly and, while we had our fights as couples do, we were generally blissful. I don’t want to date him again (he’s married anyway), but I want to feel that way again. We made some regrettable decisions when we were together (i.e. I have no friends from college because I spent ALL of my waking moments eating, breathing and sleeping him), but I was happy, genuinely happy.

Why have I ever settled for anything less?

I’ve subjected my heart to trauma since that relationship ended – cheaters, liars, jerks, commitment-phobes, you name it – all on the search for that feeling. I had a taste of how delicious being in love could be, and I’m determined to savor it again.

I have a blog where I posted this recently and I have some really smart and in love friends. Here are the top responses I received. Do you agree?

Am I really trying too hard to find an elusive love?? 

*Firsts of anything (first kisses, first loves, first children, etc.) are called firsts because there can/will be others after it. The first isn’t always necessarily the greatest, but it FEELS the strongest or most intense because it’s new and exciting. You might not ever feel *a love* THAT intense again, because it will never be new like that again, but maybe that’s a good thing. The next time, it will be even closer to the definition of real. It will be a mature love – blended with corrections of the mistakes you’ve made in your former relationships, including even what felt to be your perfectly happy college relationship. Promise.

Young love and mature love

They are two completely different things. The hearts, stars, and butterflies feeling is fleeting. What sticks is true companionship, and for the first time, truly deeply caring for another person beside yourself. That is the first for mature love.

*I have heard other people say something similar – that there is this one person/relationship from their past that they always think of longingly, not necessarily because they want to be with the person again, but because they’ve never felt that same level of infatuation and all-consuming love again. I think it’s really a function of young love. I don’t think that level of infatuation really happens to mature adults in the same way – maybe briefly, in the beginning, but not ultimately, long-term. I guess I’m saying that what you had when you were younger is not necessarily what you should be looking for now. It would be a shame to miss out on something really good and fulfilling and meaningful just because you were always looking for this out-of-this world feeling of elation that might not really exist anymore.

So while I may dream of this same ex, I know that he’s not actually the man of my dreams.