If Only for Tonight; I Love You

One Night Stands are nothing new – we’ve all heard of them, and some of us have even done it once or twice. However, my friends and I have noticed a strange new trend – men on dating sites who seem to be looking not for a night of sex, but for a One Night Relationship. Yeah, I admit – kind of weird, even for me. I recently found myself talking to a friend about a date I had. I still felt a bit perplexed by the experience, and she said she’d found herself in not one, but two “one night relationships” – although lucky her, they were actually a week or so long. My first “one night relationship” with a guy – we’ll call him Mr. Tinder – happened last summer. In one evening, every word, every action was one resembling that of a committed relationship, all it needed was an “I Love You” to top it off. I was thrown off by the evening as a whole and found myself falling into this emotional state – one that I hadn’t actually felt in a really long time. In retrospect, I would have preferred a full-fledged one night stand!

Let’s start from the beginning.

Mr. Tinder contacted me on (what else?) Tinder. He was actually the first (and really only) one who sent me a message that lead to an actual conversation. Crazy, right? Who does that anymore?! We hit it off rather well, and eventually ended up meeting. The night went well, we started off at Wells on Wells in Old Town and before I knew it 2.5 hours had passed. He asked me if I wanted to continue on to a different location. My immediate reaction? Um, yes please… a) you’re gorgeous b) you’re a total sweetheart and c) we’re actually talking about important things!

This wasn’t at all like my first Tinder date and it had been a while since I’d actually made any kind of real connection with a guy. Plus, he had me feeling all…

    We walked down Wells and stepped into Suite Lounge, hung out there for another hour and a half or so. Again, completely enthralled in conversation. He had mentioned a couple of times that he was more of a homebody than anything, and wasn’t used to staying out late (by this time it was reaching close to 2AM). I felt that was fine, considering I’m not looking for a total rager, and he also mentioned that he hadn’t been out this late in a while. In fact, he wanted to keep the night going once we were ushered out of Suite. When I go out on a date I tend to not make back up plans, just in case things actually hit it off and I actually enjoy the company I’m with. That being said, I didn’t really know what was going on that night in terms of late night activities, but I did know who to ask. At his request I reached out to a few friends and we stood on the sidewalk debating whether or not to wait it out in another bar. Throughout the night he asked a couple of times if he could see me the following day. Unfortunately I had plans with a friend that were probably going to take up the entire day, but I told him we’d figure something out. I said if I couldn’t do brunch, then we should try lunch, if I couldn’t do lunch then we should do dinner. Otherwise we had this moment – if only for tonight – and we’d enjoy it. He sounded very determined to see me and made sure that I knew it. After a bit, and more talking, I gave up on receiving the good old “party text” so I thought we’d just call it a night. He hesitated before suggesting we go back to his place since it was just around the corner and just end the night with a movie or something. If I wasn’t going to be able to make it over the next day then he wanted to keep this night going for as long as he could. (D’awww??) And with that, it was decided: I was going home with Mr. Tinder. 

The beginning of a beautiful (one night) relationship…

I know, some of you are probably thinking that this is where I failed. This was not part of the plan for that night. But if things feel right – well then, it feels right. (Sorry  Mom!) Now this isn’t to say that I go home with every Tom, Dick or Jane because I don’t. But I definitely think that if you like someone enough, you should give it a whirl. I mean really, it helps you determine whether or not you’re compatible with someone. No one likes to put in all of that effort only to find out there’s no real chemistry. There’s nothing wrong with trying the milk out before buying the cow.

This is where it gets… well, interesting.  I have this thing about waking up super early when I am anywhere that isn’t my own bed, much to the annoyance of some friends – they know not to worry when they wake up at noon to a text at 7am saying goodbye. I don’t really feel comfortable in new surroundings and it takes me a bit to realize where I am. This was no different, and I woke up around 5 in the morning. However, I wasn’t passed out on the couch or floor. I was in bed, completely intertwined with another person, spooning.

Don’t get me wrong, spooning can be great. But this wasn’t regular spooning – it was heads nuzzled together, with hand holding and intertwined fingers. That is not how I spoon, if ever at all, especially someone who I’m not in a LTR with. It was intimate. I pulled away a bit to give myself some space but he immediately pulled me right back into place and any time I’d try to get up he’d say “where are you going?” or “don’t leave yet” and beg me to stay. Before I realized, it was 11:30 am. ELEVEN THIRTY. That’s more than 6 hours of spooning – but hardcore spooning; warm breath on the back of my neck, hand holding, sweet whispers and kisses on the head. These are not things you do with someone you’re not emotionally intimate with, are they!? At the very least, these are not things that I do with someone in this situation. There was even… pillow talk and him repeating that he couldn’t wait to see me later. This is where I failed myself, because at this point I let myself think ‘this is really great and it’s been SO long since I’ve felt this comfortable with someone that I could really get used to it… even with his big ass dog in the bed.’ (Because yes, he had a big Pit Bull mix who woke up in the bed with us.) With every “this is great”, “I’m a lucky man” and “best place to be with my girl and my dog” comment he made, the deeper I fell. Eventually we got up and out of bed, I left that morning completely enamored, but not without one last kiss and a “call me later” with the agreement that I would be returning, at some point that day. I left a little confused, but in good spirits. I didn’t hear any bells go off telling me he was a sociopath or anything, so I thought it went well. We talked throughout the day, through text and even a phone call. Unfortunately my day plans ran a bit late so one of my final messages to him was asking him to meet me at a bar as I heard a friend was in town and I wanted to say hi. I promised that it would be quick because I didn’t want to keep him out late two nights in a row and have him thinking that I stayed out until dawn all of the time. His last message to me was after midnight saying he’d fallen asleep and ended with a frowning face. And… I never heard from him again. (Lol) I couldn’t help but wonder – what was the point? Why bother to build up some emotional relationship – albeit brief – only to end it abruptly, and without a word? Mr. Tinder, what have you done…? He had his cuddle and moved on, apparently. Me? I was left wondering WTF. And since I’m being honest here, I definitely would have preferred a good ol’ one night stand.

===

Incidentally, a couple of months after this best (and worst) date of my little dating experience, I was on Tinder and his profile came up again – however, this was a new profile. This is where things get very interesting – but this is another (sociopathic) story for another day.