7 Things My Father Taught Me About Relationships

I guess I should start off by saying I have daddy issues – scary right? No, not really. I’m more aware of this now than I’ve ever been in my entire life and I am working through them. I can acknowledge when I have a problem, for the most part anyway. So guys, don’t be scared off, it’s really not that bad. You might just have to be a bit more patient with a girl like me (or guy, because we all know there are some dudes out there with serious Mommy issues as well). That being said, here they are…

7 things my father taught me because

1. Don’t date someone who constantly speaks ill of others

Let’s face it, sometimes you just have to say something and it’s not always positive. I get that, I’ve done it before, but if someone is constantly talking about the negative things in people, then that’s  an issue. Maybe it’s an insecurity or maybe s/he is trying to cover up their own internal struggle. (ex: He constantly talks bad about his father, but then ends up doing all of the things he hated. Remember history has a way of repeating itself so be careful with what you say!) We shouldn’t have to surround ourselves with that much negative energy – it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

2. It’s OK to give someone a second chance, but anything more than that isn’t 

You don’t just give money away to every person on the street who asks, right? Same goes for chances! Make sure you think things over before you let someone back into your heart (and home) and set some ground rules. If the person you’re taking back hasn’t shown any interest in changing or fixing what’s been broken then it’s not likely that things will ever get better. Just cut your ties and don’t invest more time and emotions, at least this way it’s done quickly and there’ a better chance of moving on.

3. Be wary of people who constantly isolate themselves (and you) from others

Ever have a friend who disappears when they end up in a relationship? I have, and those friends suck, don’t be that friend. You should have a life outside of your relationship, but a real life, not a “Fighting with my boyfriend/girlfriend, SO let’s hang out” kind of life. He doesn’t like going to your family events? Too bad, that’s your family. I have a big family and they’re a big part of my life. The only person who can keep me away from them is me. She doesn’t like your friends? That’s okay, she doesn’t have to come out every time. The point is there are ways around these kinds of things, and you should figure it out. Don’t let someone stop you from doing things that you enjoy outside of the relationship. Granted it’s different if what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with are bad or illegal. Maybe he just doesn’t want to see you end up in jail or worse… dead. Dating is hard, and sometimes the dating pool is limited so you want to hold onto something if it’s good. 😉

4. Pay attention to major changes in someone’s personality or behavior.

It’s one thing for a man to do things to better his life or health, but entirely different when he starts to spend all of his time away from home doing things that you used to ask him to do. I dated a guy who hated going out (specifically out dancing) that’s one of my favorite things to do and I’d ask him all of the time if we could go out. He always said no, until he made a group of new friends. While he would always say no to me, he’d end up going out with them. I thought that was bogus, and it ended.

5. You are the Rule, not the Exception

Be realistic, yes anything can happen but don’t bet your life on it. Take everything into consideration and try to plan on what’s most likely to happen versus holding out for something that may not ever happen.

6. “That’s the way s/he is” 

This is NOT a good reason for someone’s bad behavior. Unfortunately this can be a blinding characteristic, just because someone is a dick (to everyone) doesn’t make it OK.

And most importantly

7. DON’T stay in a relationship if your heart isn’t there. 

Unfortunately things happen and people change. In my thirty some years of being alive I’ve heard all kinds of reasons as to why people stay in bad relationships, and none of them are ever good reasons. The longer you are in a bad relationship  the harder it gets for everyone. Like I said, I’d rather you give me a chance to heal than break me for good. Because yes, when I am in a relationship, you get all of me, and I will invest a lot of emotion, time and money into “us”.

And there you have it, one of the (many) reasons of why I’ve kept myself off of the ‘market’ is that I’ve had some personal things to deal with. I went through the list of Exes and pretty much re-evaluated each relationship and how it tied into the relationship that I had with my father. It wasn’t good. So here I am, knowing what to look out for and what I deserve. Which is so much more than what I’ve known.