How To Be More Open And Ask For What You Truly Want

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Do you speak in an indirect manner when talking to your boyfriend or spouse? Are the conversations you’re having always ending up in an unresolved argument that never seems to move forward? Are you scared of being direct with your feelings? To create more ease when dating or in a relationship, you need to get clear on what you are truly trying to communicate. It’s time to learn how to be more open and ask for what you truly want out of your relationships!

Let’s be straight: women have a habit of talking in subtext. And if you think you don’t, have a look at these examples:

  • What if “No, I don’t want to have a baby yet” actually means “Will you support me while I take over the world?”
  • What if “I’m too tired” is code for “Our sex life is getting boring, what else is possible?”
  • What if “I don’t like your friends” is underpinned by the idea “My life is not exciting enough for me, and your friends remind me of that?”

Most indirect statements are based on a fear of judgments and conclusions that make us afraid to call something what it really is.

Learning how to be more open and  have direct conversations ultimately empowers us to establish relationships that will allow us to be who we truly are into our lives. These conversations also invite us into our own lives. What if you have been living on the periphery of your life and your conversations reflect that?


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Changing it starts with getting real – asking the questions you don’t like to ask. You know, the ones you avoid asking yourself because if you did, you would have to change your life. The funny thing is, underneath all the resistance, you clearly have a desire to change your life or you wouldn’t be here reading this right now!

Here are five questions to start asking yourself. You may not have answers right now, but if you keep asking them, the whispers of your future possibilities will start talking to you! (And so will your partner! In a totally different way…)

  1. What do I truly want?
  2. What could I be or do differently that would change my current situation?
  3. What am I making wrong that isn’t?
  4. What am I making right that isn’t?
  5. What would actually work for me in this situation?

Maybe you have a habit of speaking indirectly because you chose a ‘fixer-upper’, and this is the way you motivate him without him realizing. Maybe it’s because you never learned to ask for what you truly desire to protect yourself in case you didn’t receive it. Maybe it’s because you’re always trying to be the submissive female when you’re really an Alpha Mare.

The reasons ‘why’ don’t matter, unless they invite you to choose something different. When you begin to make choices for you and you include the rest of the world in those choices, you begin to create new possibilities in your relationships and life.

  • What if you could take over the world your way?
  • What new conversations could you have that would move you into that space of possibilities?
  • Who could you invite into your conversations that would expand what is truly possible?

Including everyone in your choices doesn’t mean putting yourself last. It means also including YOU! The more you include you, the less you’ll be tempted to create a smokescreen to stop you from asking for what you truly desire. It works in all of your relationships, not just love!

Is it time to stop buying the lies that limit you and start asking the questions that expand your choices?


Looking for more advice from Access Consciousness founder Gary Douglas? Visit his website to check out his blog and upcoming classes:



Featured Image Credit: Flickr – Dan Finnen

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Gary Douglas is a gentleman who exudes the elegance of living in everything he does. A best-selling author and sought-after international speaker, he inspires people to see different possibilities. He founded Access Consciousness®, a personal development organization offered in 173 countries, helping to facilitate change in people’s lives. Gary is regularly featured in international media and as a thought leader.

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