What It Means When A Guy Doesn’t Text – And What To Do About It

At some point in your dating career, you’ve probably been left wondering what it means when a guy doesn’t text you back. Why did he suddenly stop texting? Was it just that he thought your text didn’t warrant a reply, or is he ghosting you? More importantly, Should you text him again? Or should you give up and move on?

What does it mean when a guy doesn’t text you back?

One of the most frustrating parts of dating is when the guy you were texting just suddenly stops texting you back. It’s often totally out of the blue and without any warning whatsoever, and I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced it. One moment he’s the one that makes your day brighter and things are going so well that you find yourself moving in with him… and the next minute, he’s disappeared completely and you find yourself obsessively Googling things like “what it means when a guy doesn’t text”.

You get more and more frustrated, realizing you’re being ignored, until you become less polite and straight up ask, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

I know guys are from Mars, but sometimes they act as though they’re from a different universe altogether, and not a very polite one at that. I have to admit that I first thought about this topic while I was watching He’s Just Not That Into You. It’s probably a bit cliché to be thinking about love while watching a romantic comedy, but the movie makes a lot of great points about dating, it’s relatable to many people, and to be honest, it’s one of my favorite movies.

One of the ideas it puts across is that guys are very good at chasing girls. It’s always been this way and it shows no signs of stopping. Guys do the chasing, as opposed to the other way around. Maybe modern times will eventually change this, but who knows? When a guy can’t stop texting back, it means he’s chasing you because he really likes you. On the flip side, when he stops texting you, it means he’s done with this particular chase.

Huh. Obvious logic doesn’t always work in the complicated brains of guys.

What does this mean for you? Well, first and foremost, when a guy stops texting you, it doesn’t always mean that he’s done with you and you’re never going to hear his name again. But what’s a girl to do? Here’s what to do when he stops texting you.

1. Give Him Space

Guys can be hot and cold, just like girls can be hot and cold. Frustrating, yes. This is important: the way you respond to his behavior will either put him off or keep him keen. I’m sure that some people would disagree with me, but I don’t think that guys really like to be chased. They like to do the chasing. If you hound him, bombarding him with needy texts, he’ll likely find it off-putting to the point where he definitely won’t be texting again. We all like to feel wanted, but going too far will scare him off.

I know it’s hard, but if he’s gone quiet, it’s better to just play it cool and see what happens next. The Waiting Game requires patience, but it puts you in a better place than bombarding him with “are you okay?” messages. Don’t stare at your phone 24/7. If he wants to text you back, he will. Just give him some space and see what happens next. Figure out how to stop yourself from texting him. The poor guy might realize that he misses you, or he might be wondering just who in the heck you’re occupied with instead of him. Both will have him coming back to you.

2. Be Casual

How long should you wait before texting him? Let’s put it this way: you don’t have to wait forever for him to get in touch. You make half the conversation, and you’ll regret letting it go so easy. Waiting 3-4 days seems like a decent amount of time before a follow-up text if you think there is more to be said.

Reach out to him, but be super casual about it. Shoot him a simple funny picture. Don’t allude to the fact that he’s vanished. Don’t send him a monologue explaining how much you’ve missed him or reprimand him for not responding to your texts. Play it cool. Show that you’re not upset, but do show that you care about him enough to find out if he’s still around. Just be careful, though. There is a fine line between being casual and making him feel like you’re only messaging because you have no one better to talk to.

This is the turning point. If he doesn’t have the good grace to reply to your casual-as-heck text, it’s a good idea to just move on. He clearly isn’t coming back and isn’t worth your energy.

3. Phone Him

This one takes guts, but it’s worth a shot. The reason for his absence might be that he’s confused about what you guys are all about, or maybe he somehow got the impression that YOU were losing interest. Phoning him up is the best way to sort out any issues, doubts or misunderstandings. It’s a great way to get some clarity. Either you answer a call or not. Your words can’t be misinterpreted. If you’re worth enough, he’ll call you back if he’s busy. And if he doesn’t answer? Just go and get some wine (and Bridget Jones’ Diary)!

4. Why Didn’t He Respond?

A clue as to why he isn’t responding to your texts might be in your recent text conversations. Take a brief look to see what direction they were heading in. For example, it might not have struck you at the time, but maybe he’s been growing distant over the last couple of weeks. Maybe his responses have been getting increasingly shorter or less funny for a while now, but you just were too wrapped up in him to notice. Perhaps you simply missed (or chose to ignore) the signs he’s not ready for a relationship.

Maybe this has been coming, and his disappearance isn’t as abrupt and unexpected as you first thought. Perhaps there was a misinterpretation or misunderstanding, or his tone changed. If you spot the problem, you could talk about it, just to make sure you are both thinking along the same lines. In some cases, you may find that you really need to learn how to keep a guy interested via text without coming on too strong.

5. Get On With Your Life

There are many guys out there who are worth it and there are guys who are not. Don’t wonder “what if”, or what you did wrong or obsess over what it means when a guy doesn’t text you back. There are many more things and people in your life than this guy. Get out there with friends and enjoy yourself. You are much more likely to find someone new this way than by dwelling on what might have been.

If he’s capable of vanishing like this without warning, he’s just not worth it. Either that or he was never as into you as you were into him in the first place. Learn how to move on after being dumped, and move forward to greener pastures.

6. Do Some Soul-Searching

Have you discovered your attachment style? If not, it’s time to find out! (Fun fact: 25% of people in North America and Europe are Avoidant—which may explain why ghosting has become so damn prevalent—and 20% are Anxious.) While there are a handful of resources on attachment styles, the absolute best resource is Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love. This book is AMAZING and has worksheets that will provide you with a ton of insight into how you behave in relationships and what you can do differently.

Looking for more from Claudia? Check out her tips on TextWeapon.com!