5 Reasons You Should Take Advantage of Being Single

Society tells us that if you’re not in a relationship then you’re a loser. Or lost. Or less than. Somehow, being single, especially as a woman, is a fate worse than death.

And that is one of the reasons why we have so many people bouncing from one failed relationship to another. Or, while they are single, lamenting the fact that they don’t have their perfect soul mate in their life.

But what if we looked at singlehood in a different light? What if we looked at it as a gift to be taken advantage of right now? Singlehood is heaven on earth if you want to view it in that way.

Here are the five top reasons you should take advantage of being single today:

1 Self Reflection

It’s time to reflect on what you really want out of love. Are you ready for a serious long-term relationship? If you look deep into your heart and soul, do you just want companionship? Someone, to go out to the movies or have dinner with? Or do you absolutely want to relish this time alone…Without the pressure of ever having to go back into a romantic relationship of any type?

Whatever your answer is, it is correct. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be thinking about love in a different way. David shares a story of a woman who hired him as her counselor in the year 2000, serious about finding deep love. After eight months they had cleaned up the baggage from her past, and she fell deeply in love with her perfect partner.

Seventeen years later, just this year, when that relationship ended she contacted David again to do some deep processing. After six months with David, she had come to the conclusion that she was done with relationships. Her last 17-year love relationship ended on a really good note actually, they are both great friends in this moment. But she made a decision that she will hold for the rest of her life.

She is satisfied with herself. She is satisfied with her past relationships, and now she wants to be of service. Her free time will be put into volunteering and traveling. And she’s at peace with herself.

2 Re-evaluate past relationships

If you decide that you are serious about deep love, take advantage of this time to answer these questions:

What have I done really well in all of my past relationships? Go ahead and expound upon these so you have a good foundation of what you have done well that you will continue in the future.

Next, what do I need to do better in my love relationships in the future? Be honest with yourself. No one’s perfect. If you leave this question blank you’re in denial. Go deep into your heart and soul and come up with answers that are measurable, about what you need to do better in your future relationships.

One of David’s clients who had taken his course “Codependency Kills”, discovered that she had no idea on how to set healthy boundaries and consequences in love. In all of her past relationships, she had been afraid to rock the boat, to honestly tell a boyfriend if she was unhappy with him, or what needed to change for her to stay. With her newfound knowledge, which she discovered while single, she was ready for a new and beautifully open and honest relationship.

3. Take time to Learn

If you’re single right now, take this time to explore your passions!

What type of hobbies do you want to create, or start again from the past that used to bring you great joy? Instead of getting lost in a new relationship right away, where your needs may often come in second, look at what your passions are and start to get involved with them on a weekly basis. And then, when you start a new relationship, never, ever, ever give up your passions and get lost in someone else.

4. Get comfortable with yourself

Free yourself of substances like alcohol, sugar, emotional spending.

On a Friday night, get in touch with what your goals are in life instead of feeling that you’re missing out by not being at the bar, at the party or wherever else you normally go. While you’re single take advantage of this time to really get to know you, free of substances and behaviors that numb you out. Ask yourself the question… Who am I really? What do I really want to accomplish before I leave this planet? Take the time to get comfortable with yourself.

5. Leave that baggage behind you

Make sure you have released all of your emotional baggage from the past relationships that you’ve been in. There is no way you’ll be open to love in the future if you still resent the person in your past who stole from you, cheated on you, or treated you improperly in any way at all. We need to work on forgiving each and every one of our past partners, in order to be fully present for the one you will spend the rest of your life with.

Too many people look forward to their next love affair, without letting go of the past. If you have resentments against someone you dated in the past, no matter how hard you try, you will be projecting those insecurities, fears, and frustrations on the next person who comes into your life as a love relationship. Look at the above. Evaluate where you are now, and take advantage of some of the best years of your life, the years you’re single when you can really take care of the most important person in your life, you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Essel, M.S. is a best-selling author, a counselor, a master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy, Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen.

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