Is My Love Life Cursed, Or Am I At Fault?
Using my wily online dating skills, I met a guy a few months back. We hit it off and dated for about two months. With him, I tried the casual approach – not freaking out when he didn’t text me at 8am sharp, seeing him occasionally and letting the wedding balls start to ring only in the very distant recesses of my brain. It seemed to be working for me – this not in-your-face, “please love me right now” tactic.
Two months into it, I asked the question on every girl’s brain when she meets a rad dude: Where do you see this going? I promise you that I was cool and collected when I brought it up – “Just curious if you see this turning into something… someday… ya know, when it gets there.” He shed his usual sarcasm and honestly told me that he did like spending time with me, but that someday he probably wanted to try living somewhere else so it wasn’t in the forefront of his mind to be in a serious, committed relationship.
I appreciated his honesty, but him saying that put a definite kink in the plan. I don’t date people just to date them – it’s a waste of time! I date people to find out if they’re marriage material. And, yes, I did just clearly state three paragraphs away that I was taking this one casually, but it’s in the back of nearly every single girl’s mind when she meets someone – is he Mr. Right Now or Mr. Forever? I’m 30 years old, I don’t have time to waste on guys who aren’t worth it. I want to be married and have a baby so badly that even when I see pictures of babies, I start to get a bit misty-eyed.
After that conversation, the guy seemed distant. Maybe I made things up, but my instincts started to kick in that something was awry. I had a similar feeling with another online dude, whom we’ll call Cubano.
Cubano and I met online (there’s a trend, I know) in November and there was instant chemistry. We talked every day, we saw each other often, and I thought all was going swimmingly. So, I brought up the, “Where do you see this going” talk and asked if he thought it was a good idea to just see each other. He agreed – willingly (no water boarding or gun-to-the-head was involved).
When he left after the “talk,” I had a sinking feeling – similar to the one I had with the newest guy. I’d done something wrong. Something wasn’t right… and that something wasn’t my gut instinct. He never again contacted me again. Ever. Yup, I had been ghosted! A month of talking constantly turned into cold hard silence. I gave up after three texts and a few fitful nights of sleep.
Is my love life cursed?
You’ve heard my two stories, now answer me this: is my love life cursed? Or am I an idiot for scaring the living hell out of guys by asking them where they see our future going?
Okay, maybe I am an idiot, but I’ve lasted a full month or two months before having the talk (and, by the way, it’s not even the talk of “let me call you my boyfriend” which is much scarier in my mind). I’ve pushed back my every instinct after date 2 to stake my claim, so why can’t guys push back their fear and just be honest?
If guys don’t want to be in a relationship, why do they date at all? Yes, sex and someone to keep them warm on a cold winter’s night, I get that. But, haven’t they learned that most girls have dreams of more than hand-holding next to the heater? And this begs the question: Why don’t they want that, too?
I may never figure out the psyche of a man, so instead of beating my head against the wall every time I get a “Rejected” stamp across my forehead, I’m going to pick up my proverbial bootstraps and keep on going.