The Anti-Anti-Valentine’s Day

I’m sure that everyone expects a single gal to have a Valentine’s Day post that’s some sort of snarky and sarcastic rant about the demonic marketing that goes into this time of year (it began January 1, btw), prompting singles everywhere to freak out that they do not, in fact, have a Valentine to hold onto for the 14th of February. Nevermind any other day of the year. But when red, white, and pink are blasted into our faces with such an incredible force that even Leonardo DiCaprio’s hair would fall out-of-place, suddenly we lose all rationale and make out with the closest living, breathing human in our vicinity on a sticky bar floor.

Saying Valentine’s Day is over-hyped is like saying it’s cold outside. No shit. It’s become so cliché to hate on Valentine’s Day, so why not turn it around and love the hell out of this cheesy, Pinterest capitalizing, mind-numbingly fuzzy holiday?*

So yes, I’m doing the last thing expected and going pro-Valentine’s. Complete with Valentine’s Day Pinterest board. I’m basically the hipster of the Valentine’s world. Ironically romantic.

Should you choose to join me on this (most likely self-sabotaging) train, I’ve very lovingly written out some bullet points for how we can embrace this day together.

5 Ways to Join the Anti-Anti-Valentine’s Day Movement

1. Give Some Effing Valentines

Have you actually looked at the Valentines at Walgreen’s? It’s not like a Miley Cyrus singing cat, where it’s so bad it’s good. They’re so bad they’re amazing. You can get everything from robots to one of those Duck Dynasty people saying, “Have a redneck Valentine’s Day.” Um, whose day wouldn’t that make?** And if you think you’re too late, trust me, you’re not. I was just in Walgreen’s today and they’re still overflowing. Get on it. If you’re super cheap (and slightly cynical) like me, you can always do what I did for my Christmas cards. Make your own ecard, find a free printer, run them off on resume paper, and viola!–you’ve got a Valentine’s Day postcard. It’s the closest to DIY I’ve ever gotten. Unless you count emptying wine bottles as DIY.

2. Momma Needs a Brand New Bag

I’m a HUGE believer in buying yourself birthday and Christmas gifts. I had a mentor who once told me to buy myself something every paycheck. Which I did. For like the first paycheck I ever received, and then I realized how expensive this tradition would be. But why the hell not buy yourself a Valentine’s Day gift? I’d much rather get something I want than cross my fingers that some homeboy will get me this outfit. And while I’m at it, I may just get myself a President’s Day and belated Groundhog’s Day gift, too.

3. Get Out

It’s so easy to do a girls’ night in, or a night alone watching The Notebook and pretending Ryan Gosling is your boyfriend. Don’t. Get the eff out of the house. Here are some suggestions, brought to you by the fab writers of Daily Urbanista.

4. Do You

Who said this holiday has to be about a dude? It’s about love, right? Show yourself some love and do something you’ve always wanted. Sign up for a class, pick up a book, or make a trip to GBoutique. Actually, the latter offers all of the above…

 5. Hug Your Friends

They’re the ones that have seen you ugly cry without waterproof mascara, convinced you not to accept the drink from the toothless man, and have/will punch(ed) your ex in the balls on sight. Love and thank them for these things. Because they will more than likely be doing it again. And probably real soon. Like tomorrow night.

*For those of you who just thought, “Oh, I bet she got a boyfriend, and that’s why she’s all about this.” Whelp, you’re wrong. In fact, quite the opposite. Yesterday I hugged my Trader Joe’s cashier just for some human contact. So…there’s that. 

**I did not include the link for these Valentines to maintain some semblance of moral and literary integrity. But if you really want them, I assume you know how to operate Google.