Pop Culture

30 Unexpected Things That Happen After Turning 30

By Lisa | April 3, 2015 1 Comment

I can honestly say that your thirties are a strange time – and I’m sure many people out there would agree. Case in point: suddenly, I’m as old as those old people on that show Thirtysomething my parents used to watch when I was a kid?! I mean, seriously… what. the. f*ck.

In reality, “age” is really just a state of mind. However, there’s no denying that after turning 30, things do begin to change a bit. The people around you change, your perspective on life changes, and you begin to grow as a person.

Since I’m staring down my 32nd birthday later this month, I figured now is the perfect time to make a list of 30 things I’ve learned and experienced after turning 30.

1. You’ll feel like you missed the memo on growing up at least once or twice
Wait, I was supposed to get married and have kids? Why didn’t anyone tell me we were doing this?!

2. Your biological clock might not start ticking when it’s “supposed” to
I was starting to think that my biological clock was broken, until I asked around. Turns out, every single thirty-something female I know is feeling the exact same way.

3. You’ll wake up one morning and suddenly realize that you’re starting to (gasp!) age.

4. …Which will lead you into a temporary panic
“Oh God… what if my best days are behind me?!”

5. You’ll regret spending so much time worrying about imaginary flaws as a teenager
And yes, I realize the irony of listing this right after #4.

6. You suddenly realize that you may not have much time left with your parents.

7. You’ll begin to face your own mortality…
…And you may even convince yourself at 1am that the weird pain in your leg is actually a blood clot and you’re going to die alone in your apartment and by the time anyone realizes it, your cats will have eaten you. (Don’t laugh, it’s not nice)

8. People your age will start getting divorces
Seriously… I was just getting used to the fact that everyone was married.

9. And you’ll know at least a few people your age that have teenage kids
AHHHH!!!!

10. You’ll discover there are people in their 20’s who think of you as being “old”

11. If you’re single, you’ll start to think there’s a very real chance you’ll never get married
And that’s a weird thought.

12. You’ll also realize that your eggs are dying… fast
And you may briefly toy with the idea of freezing the damn things.

13. Your body starts changing in a very weird way
Seriously, this is worse than puberty – at least there was a manual for that! Why am I suddenly developing mysterious food allergies? Why can’t I tolerate sugar or salt anymore without feeling like death? When did I develop back pain and cracking joints? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!

14. Sleeping in will make you feel guilty
…Even when you’re on vacation.

15. You’ll start to prefer your own company over that of most people you know
#IntrovertParty

16. Sweatpants, Netflix and Grubhub > Going Out
Your weekends will never be the same as they were when you were in your twenties

17. You’ll have to start “scheduling” time to see certain people
Honey, we all know that’s just a lame way for you to get over the guilt of falling out of touch, while still avoiding actually having to hang out with someone. This satirical post on the NYTimes sums it up perfectly.

18. Overall, the dynamic of your friendships will change – even your closest ones
It’s neither bad nor good, it’s just different.

19. You’ll start to forget your age
And many times, you’ll also conveniently forget that you’re no longer in your twenties.

20. The ‘oldies’ station is now playing music from your childhood
On one hand: Ugh, what?! On the other hand: this is saving you from wasting money on those stupid “Now That’s What I Call 90’s Dance Music” CDs.

21. And basically everything else from your youth is now old, too
Wait, seriously? Clueless is turning 20 this summer? Rappers are grandpas? Even worse – we’re now officially in “the future”?! Fuck you, Marty McFly… Fuck. You.

22. Your concept of time will suddenly become skewed
I’m not exactly sure what the hell Chloë Grace Moretz does, but I do find it very suspicious that she was born the year before I graduated junior high, yet looks suspiciously like an adult when she should actually be five years old.

23. You’ll become more focused on your health
And everyone is apparently running marathons. EV-ER-Y-ONE.

24. You’ll realize that your dating options are dwindling
It starts to feel like every guy you meet turns out to be way too young, and when you tell them your age, they say things like, “Wow, you don’t look that old…”

25. You stop caring about fads
And it’s kind of a relief. I’m just gonna sit over here and let you whippersnappers do your thang with your awful EDM and ugly neon fanny packs while I listen to my “oldies”.

26. You approach friendships in a healthier way
When you’re younger, the end of a friendship was like the world’s worst breakup. Once you hit adulthood, however, you understand that people come into your life for either a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You can accept that most of your relationships weren’t meant for a lifetime – or even a season – and let them go without feeling hurt or anger.

27. You stop caring what others think

28. You can accept “failures” with grace…
…Because looking back, you can fully appreciate that everything does happen for a reason. You begin to realize that many of the things you desperately wanted at one point in your life probably weren’t actually the right choices.

29. You begin to realize that time is precious, and life is fleeting

30. Most importantly: you develop a greater appreciation for your life and the people in it.