3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Lose Yourself In A Relationship

We have this idea that if we’re in a relationship, then we must sacrifice ourselves in order to prove that we care. It’s as if we are no longer allowed to be who we are. Instead, we’re supposed to figure out who our partner is, what they like, what they don’t like. Then we do our best to be who they would like us to be. It’s not hard to lose yourself in a relationship when all you’re thinking about is pleasing your partner.

The problem is, it never really works.

When we cut off parts of ourselves to be in a relationship, eventually we end up judging ourselves. Judging our partners, and in turn, we resent everything about the relationship. My suggestion to change all of this is simple; create a divorceless relationship with yourself, a relationship that is about you being you and never cutting off any part of you.

Here are three tips on how you can be true to yourself in your current or next relationship:

1. Commit to Care for You

The idea that we have to sacrifice ourselves to prove we care has destroyed many relationships. The reality is, when we’re fully committed to caring for ourselves, we actually have more care for others. When we sacrifice and cut off parts of ourselves, resentment takes over and kindness and care go out the window.

What if everything you did was a kindness to you? What if you made the choice to care for you every single day? What would that create for you? What would that contribute to your partner?

2. Do What Makes You Happy

What do you love to do? Do you love to paint? To hike? To read? Maybe you enjoy dancing. Maybe it’s travel. Whatever it is that brings you joy, choose to do those things. Choose to do something fun every single day. We get this idea that we have to do everything together. What ends up happening is that if you like to jog and your partner doesn’t, you stop jogging. This is how you start to lose yourself in a relationship.

Do what you find fun. Do what brings you joy. In doing this you will bring that energy into your relationship and it will create something greater for both of you.

3. Choose Gratitude for You

When you first began your relationship, it was because your partner fell in love with YOU. If you start to lose yourself in a relationship, then the “you” they fell in love with is no longer there. Keep all of yourself in your relationship.

One way to do this is to choose gratitude for yourself. Take a minute everyday to say thank you to you. What do you adore about yourself? What do you enjoy about you? What gift are you to the world that you’ve not yet acknowledged?

Much of what is written on relationships is about how to work together, how to communicate better, how to have better sex. The thing is, if you start to lose yourself in a relationship, if you are divorcing you in the relationship, then nothing will work. You are the most important ingredient in your relationship and you being you in totality is the key to having a fun, playful, dynamic, enjoyable relationship with total ease.