4 Hilarious Stages Of Being Single On Valentine’s Day
If you’ve ever been single on Valentine’s Day as an adult, then you’ll completely understand these four hilarious stages of surviving the world’s worst Hallmark holiday. It all starts off with…
Stage One: Oblivion
Congratulations! You’ve successfully survived yet another holiday season as a single person.
For two months straight, your Facebook feed felt like it was sponsored by freakin’ Kay Jewelers, and you’re fairly certain that about 150 of your 552 Facebook friends got engaged between Thanksgiving and New Years.
Sure, you’re happy that your “friend” who you haven’t seen since 1992 has found the love of her life, but fielding through all of the engagement announcements is getting tiring.
Nonetheless, you survived — in fact, your bitchy Aunt Dot managed to limit herself to one snide comment about how you haven’t brought a boyfriend to Christmas since 2001.
Screw her – next year, you’ll totally have a boyfriend. OK, so you’ve been saying that for the last four years, but whatever. THIS will be the year that you get off your ass and start dating!
You’re feeling good about life and excited about a new year…
…until you begin to notice something strange while binge watching episodes of The Bachelor. “Why are their 537 commercials for jewelry stores on TV?” you ask yourself.
And then it hits you: it’s almost Valentine’s Day.
Stage Two: Denial
“Whatever,” you tell yourself, “it’s totally a cheesy Hallmark holiday.”
Besides, being single on Valentine’s Day is a blessing in disguise. You totally don’t have to worry about silly things like buying a gift or shaving your legs. #blessed
Anyway, even when you weren’t single, Valentine’s Day was still kind of a letdown. Remember that one time your ex boyfriend that gave you an unwrapped DVD of a movie he wanted to see as a Valentine’s Day gift? Ugh.
Also, it’s a proven fact that there’s a huge increase in breakups right before Valentine’s Day. Basically, you’re so lucky you don’t have to worry about such things.
Who needs a boyfriend? Not you! *finger snap*
Stage Three: Disgust
Several days have passed, and you’ve somehow manage to forget that Valentine’s Day is approaching. The brain works in miraculous ways, doesn’t it?
Unfortunately, you’re jerked back to reality when you ask a friend to hang out and she responds, “Awwww I’d *totally* love to… but Brad planned a romantic weekend in Galena for Valentine’s Day. Isn’t he the sweetest????”
You text a few of your single girlfriends to see if they’re interested in hanging out, and each response is more depressing than the last one.
Meanwhile, you’ve begun receiving odd Facebook messages from guys you haven’t talked to in years. A few weird guys from high school even decide to poke you.
Desperation is clearly at an all-time high.
Finally, Valentine’s Day has arrived. You make plans with your BFF to get dinner at the least romantic place you can think of.
After you’re seated, the host turns to you and asks, “Would you and your girlfriend like to see the wine menu?”
After you and your “girlfriend” order, you look around and realize you’re surrounded by obnoxious couples.
Basically, you’re in hell.
You finish dinner in a hurry and make a move to leave… and get stuck behind an annoying couple.
At this point, both you and your “girlfriend” are over it and decide to call it a night.
You go home and torture yourself by looking at pictures of happy couples on Instagram.
Stage Four: Acceptance
Just as you’re about to break down and install Tinder on your phone, you remember one tiny, little fact…
…you’re the one that chose to be single.
You’re the one that decided to spend the last few years planning trips versus planning a wedding…
…and enjoy some alone time before you settle down.
…and most importantly, you’ve chosen to not waste your time in dead-end relationships solely to avoid being single.
And thankfully, it’s 2016 and not 1916 and you’re not obligated to marry someone for the sake of being married.
At the end of the (Valentine’s) day, what it boils down to is this: being in love is great, but learning to love your own company is even better.
Happy Valentine’s Day!